Poetry Corner: And the winner is...

So, typical CITYWIRE,

You mock a captain of industry,

Who has has hoed a hard row.

Ironic really, that when it comes to your row

Of financial journalism

You're crap.

Hang on John, we weren't intending

to mock him - in fact we're defending

Tony against those dastardly Yanks.

But never mind - for your poem, we say "thanks!"

There was an old man called Tony,

Whose heartfelt wishes seemed phoney,

He created a leak,

His prospects were bleak,

Yet he came out making loads of money

Yes John Coles, the subject is no laughing matter, such is the peril an engineer will find themself in for talking plain honest facts. What do PR people and especially those of a political persuasion have between the ears one wonders; apart from bullshit. The truly awful thing is that such people rule our lives. And for g**'s sake let's be rid of this special relationship nonsense, it's a poisoned chalice.

It does make me laugh, it's not as if the poor chap drilled the well himself.... i've come across many rouge traders; this chap is unlucky... that said, i fancy a bottle of bubbles so here goes....

There's only one Tony Hayward.....

There's only one Tony Hayward.....

Looking so smug....

Pulling the plug....

Pouring all the oil on the land....

what some do for a bottle of bubbles.....

here is another......

If you got a plan....

And it don't look good....

Who ya gonna call....

KEYDATA...

no doubt there are more, but i feel the day job suits me more.

My sentiments:-

There was a yank-ee named Obama

who acted the prat in a drama

when the people said boo

he put on a shoe

and trod on the throat of Britannia

Tony Phony, bullshit and lie

Couldn’t look congressmen straight in the eye

When the President came out to play

Tony Phony... faded away

Oil is in the water

Obama's in hot water

Tony goes sailing in the water

But gets slapped on like butter

Jacket in one hand, money in the other

Its all water under the bridge now!

A CEO so seriosly wayward

failed to control his Deep Horizon;

so farewell, go home, Peter Hayward,

it's your pension that your life now thrives on.

Cast not a glance over your shoulder,

look to the future - as a non exec you'll soon toil.

There you'll sit pretty, older and bolder

than when you slipped up on that spill of some oil.

Farewell Tony, you’ve had the sack

Now you can get your life back

A pension too and more beside

A job in Russia to salve your pride

A certain blowout caused your fall

Your way with words, or not at all

An angry President, low in poll

A Board decision, Heads must roll

Eleven deaths and one large spill

A slow response some say still

A share collapse, an asset sale

A huge provision, investors pale

A birthday party, a sailing trip

A Senate investigation, a sinking ship

Beaches, wildlife in the frame

British Petroleum is to blame

Welcome Bob to the fray

Now you step in to save the day

To cap the well and grease the palm

And make the peace with Uncle Sam

Tony Hayward, we know your name.

You got your life back.

But do you know,

Does anyone know

Does anyone care to know

The names of those men

Whose lives will not come back

From the Gulf of Mexico?

Tony is a honey

Tony aint a clot

Tony had to fill a hole

In his pension pot

It is irritating that small men such Richard Harris, are paid to ridicule serious businessmen such as Tony Hayward.

May I remind you that BP acted honourably in cleaning up a mess caused by Trans Ocean & Haliburton.

This competition is in poor taste, & I wonder if any of the cretins making fun of Tony Hayward, have ever had to make a difficult decision

Tony Hayward is frank

No joke for a yank

But life is not fair

He must to repair

And my view expressed is a bl*nk

"May I remind you that BP acted honourably in cleaning up a mess caused by Trans Ocean & Haliburton".

Thanks Mr. Hurley.

No need for any investigation now then.

(To the tune of 'Smoke on the Water'; no offence intended to any involved)

They went to drill Macondo

Off Louisiana’s shoreline

Though the platform was immobile;

They didn’t have much time.

Transocean and Hyundai

Thought everything was nailed down

But a terrible explosion

Took lives and turned the blue Gulf brown.

“Oil in the water” - the politicians cry

Oil in the water..

They dragged Hayward to the US House

Subcommittee on Oversight

Congressmen were running in and out

Pulling votes out the ground.

When it all was over

They had to find another face

But Southern comfort was running out

And Tony Hayward quit with good grace.

“Oil in the water” – the politicians cry

Oil in the water..

He ended up at TNK

It was empty cold and bare

But with the Russkies working outside

Doing their drilling there.

With the media’s lights and talking heads

They made a place for Tony to sweat.

No matter what we get out of this

The Gulf of Mexico will never forget

“Oil in the water” – the politicians cry

Oil in the water..

Dear Tony you must go

From being BP’s CEO

It really been hell

Since we drilled that well

And in blew in the Gulf of Mexico

Dear Tony you must go

From being BP’s CEO

It's really been hell

Since we drilled that well

And in blew in the Gulf of Mexico

To the Tune of Yellow Submarine

In the town where I was born

Lived a man who joined BP

And he led a happy band

'Till they went away and drilled a sea.

In a land so far away.

Where the President was really grey

And the lawyers all were keen

To get their hands upon some dollars green

And the Senate in this land

Worked so hard to get, our BP banned

Shouting out their faulty facts.

Just to get their voters back.

'Till a Scottish Salmond said

“You can go and boil yer head”

I'm going to live in a Russian submarine

Somewhere off the scene, where I can't be seen

I'm going to live in Russian submarine, a Russian submarine

A Russian submarine.

Alas Tony Hayward

has been found to be wayward,

in spilling Gulf oil

its coastline to spoil,

by sending it all drifting bayward.

With signs of mucha alarma

he took a call from Obama.

"In our Gulf of Mexico

we oughta had Texaco

- not BP causing such drama!"

"I've no sense of humour

about such a bloomer,

by responsible Brits,

who've turned out such twits,

- unless I am misled by rumour!"

Now I'm on the phone

I will have a long moan

about all sorts of sealife

and oil-soaked beachlife,

-so pardon me for picking a bone!"

"You may not give a toss

But you are the Boss

and you set a tone

which I do not condone,

-so your prospects right now are a dead loss"

Taking the Rap.

Obama's made a drama

out of Tony's baloney.

What's uncertain

is whether Haliburton

should take some of the blame

for BP's bad name.

I'm buying more,

while these shares are on the floor!

So, who gets the bubbly?

Sticks and stones

may break my bones

but I'd rather leak

in Sierra Leone

I got dem early retirement blues

long before our last Mexican gig hit the news

Yeah, figured I'll leave all that shit

to Barack's lawyer sharks while I's still young and pretty

Man, let some other corporate sucker take a hit

Never said I wanted to be another J.P. Getty

I's got my life back

It's nice to be given a second crack

I got dem early retirement blues

long before our last Mexican gig hit the news...

(apologies to all concerned)

I am sailing

I am sailing

far away from

oily seas.

With my payoff

in my pocket

I can live quite

comfortably.

Congrats MicMac- enjoy the bubbly!