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Fairytale of financial advice: 7 Christmas songs rewritten for IFAs

We take a cheeky look at the yuletide tunes Neil Woodford, Theresa May and the FCA choir might be singing this year.

Prime minister Theresa May and opposition leader Jeremy Corbyn may be at odds in the House of Commons. But maybe the joy of Christmas and The Pogues can bring them together.

May:

You’re a trot

Party’s sunk

 

Corbyn:

You’re a slave to ol’ Junck(er)

Leadership hangs by a thread

Darker times are ahead

 

May:

Your jam fad

Wreaks havoc

You’re so undynamic

Labour Party’s a farce

You’re a sod

From the past

 

Together:

The boys of the DUP choir

Were singing ‘We back May’

And the bells were ringing out

For Brexit day

Prime minister Theresa May and opposition leader Jeremy Corbyn may be at odds in the House of Commons. But maybe the joy of Christmas and The Pogues can bring them together.

May:

You’re a trot

Party’s sunk

 

Corbyn:

You’re a slave to ol’ Junck(er)

Leadership hangs by a thread

Darker times are ahead

 

May:

Your jam fad

Wreaks havoc

You’re so undynamic

Labour Party’s a farce

You’re a sod

From the past

 

Together:

The boys of the DUP choir

Were singing ‘We back May’

And the bells were ringing out

For Brexit day

It has been well documented by New Model Adviser® that there are some worrying signs that British Steel Pension Scheme (BSPS) members are being targeted by advisers who may not always have their interests at heart when recommending a defined benefit pension transfer.

Thankfully the Financial Conduct Authority, and particularly director of supervision Megan Butler, has shown some evidence they will not allow BSPS members to walk in the air.

 We’re buying fancy cars

These transfer values are so high

The FCA attacks the firms whose wares

it does decry…

During his time in government, former pensions minister Steve Webb came up with auto-enrolment, a policy that has led to millions of people saving into a workplace pension.

In his current role as director of policy at Royal London, Webb continues to encourage people to see their pension as a good investment for the future. As such we thought Webb would want to sing a message of savings future along with fellow Brummie Noddy Holder.

 Are you worried that your pension is too small?

It’s the concern that bothers us all

Do charges seem too dear?

Do they make you put it away?

Do you need it for a rainy day?

 

Well here it is your workplace pension

Everybody’s putting in

Look to the future now

Your saving’s just begun

The UK may be about to discover it’s cold outside the EU as talks stall over the Irish border. But that won’t stop former Ukip leader Nigel Farage going outside.

The UK really can’t stay (but it’s cold outside the EU)

We voted to go away (but did you really think it through?)

This membership has been (been hoping that you’d drop it)

So very… nice (Wait ’til you see the huge divorce price)

 

Russia will start to worry (beautiful, what’s your hurry?)

Mr Trump will be pacing the floor (listen to the industry roar)

So really I’d better scurry (beautiful, please don’t hurry)

Maybe just one customs deal more (And it’s just Northern Ireland that it’s for)

 

The neighbours are foreign (baby, it’s poor out there)

Red tape comes in a torrent (no trade to be had out there)

The UK really can’t stay (baby, don’t say you’re out)

But the world’s cold outside

When Victor Sacks, director of Brampton-based VS Associates, appeared as our cover star in June, we showcased his drumming talent. So we thought it would be a shame not to feature him as The Little Drummer Boy from the famous song. All together now:

Come, they told me

Pa rum pum pum pum

Our newborn King to see

Pa rum pum pum pum

When Donald Trump won the US election last year we (almost) all started pining for an earlier time.

A year later he is still in power. This year we ask whether Wham! could be the answer.

 Last Christmas, you tore us apart

When US election day ended in dismay

This year, to save us from tears

Impeachment should be congressional

It has been a tough year for Britain’s most famous fund manager and those who follow his star. Still, there are many who will allow Neil Woodford to shepherd their investments, no matter how far Provident Financial falls.

While investors picked their stocks by night,

All focused on the pound.

Provident’s share price came down,

And Woodford ran aground.

 

‘Fear not’, said he, for mighty dread

Had seized their panicked minds.

‘Dividends are actually not too bad,

‘It’s undervalued you will find.’

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